The hum of the fridge and the tick-tock of the clock sound off in my head. My eyes are too heavy to close. I’ve stared blankly at the telly for the best part of an evening, hoping to lull myself away in front of some mindless show.
Tick tock! Tick Tock!
I’m trying to sleep in the living room because as soon as I go to bed I fully wake up. But trying another room has little effect; there’s just different distractions.
It’s been like this for four solid weeks now. I’ll drift off at some point, only to wake two, three or four hours later and that’ll be my quota of sleep for the night.
It’s not funny. I’m grouchy, snappy, overly emotional: all things that I’m not usually. I can’t be bothered with people at work; I’ve no energy for family or friends either. My personality has completely altered. I don’t have anything particularly bothering me to keep me awake, except now, obviously, I just can’t sleep. I’ve lost the ability to care about anything due to exhaustion, anyway.
Remedies, cold showers, no technology before bed…. you name it, I’ve tried it. I. Just. Can’t. Sleep.
Do I want a sandwich? Or a beer? Or to read a book? No, they all involve actions that may stimulate my brain too much and induce this insomnia more.
So, I’ll stare at the ceiling until my eyelids are pasted shut against my eyes and hope that this time I can break the spell to stay in the land of dreams for longer.
I found this piece of work in a random ideas file on my laptop and spruced it up a little bit before I put this post up. I remember when I wrote it a couple of years ago I just couldn’t sleep for weeks for seemingly no reason. It affected my creativity, so I just ended up writing how I felt at the time.
All this reminded me of how I felt early on in lockdown: like a mindless zombie that couldn’t see a way through. I thought it apt, therefore, to post it now.
THANKS FOR READING
I appreciate you reading this post. If you have any comments, it’d be great to hear from you.
Stay safe (and sleep well), Everybody 😊